Wednesday, May 26, 2010

"Love is a losing game"

That's what Amy Winehouse says.

Lately I've been sort of pondering about love. I've just always wanted to know the feeling you know? Plus I've been reading Pride and Prejudice. Also I just love all things romance. Probably not as much as Leah though. I know that the love portrayed in the movies is false and I know that there's more to it than the movies show. But what IS it!? I've asked a few people and some of these people's answers sound more like Julia Roberts in this scene of The Mexican. Except that the question isn't the same and that in the question of "love" there is no right answer.

And I'll leave you with my favorite quote from Pride and Prejudice thus far...

"Such a change in a man of so much pride excited not only astonishment but gratitude-- for love, ardent love, it must be attributed; and as such its impression on her was of a sort to be encouraged, as by no means unpleasing, though it could not be exactly defined. She respected, she esteemed, she was grateful to him, she felt a real interest in his welfare; and she only wanted to know how far she wished that welfare to depend upon herself..."

I think of all the pondering I've ever done the one thing that I felt was true was that love is a mutual respect for each other.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. (Vickie, let me know if you got that huuuuuge response that I ended up purposely deleting.)

    *One way I know I love someone is if I always want to do things for them, I really care and worry about them, and want to make them happy.
    *Another way I know I love someone is if they can hurt me (emotionally). I learned this recently.
    Both of those are ways that I feel about people that I regular-love, but when you're IN love, those sentiments are more special and intense.

    So far I've never been in successful love. The first time started off cute and turned into something real ugly. The last time it was one-sided and it got me mad'n'sad.
    But I would guess that in "successful love" (ie the kind that ends up in marriage) it involves a good dose of what you and Jane Austen said- respect. Esteem. Admiration. Additionally, those feelings are evidence of compatibility and a good foundation. I've often heard this from people that are in love: "He/She makes me want to be a better person." Without trying. The person is inspiring to them. I have always wanted to understand that sentiment. I heard a quote once at a YSA conference that really struck me as clear and true, which is basically, "In marriage (or in this case love), the goal isn't to try to make the other person BETTER, but to make them HAPPY." If you're trying to improve your mate, you're already way behind; because it shows you don't even LIKE who they are, let alone love. As the speaker said, "it invites criticism." Which leads to a whole lot of unhappiness.

    My mom said that she thinks love (or maybe it was "true love" after I read my huge deleted schpeal to her) is never giving up on each other. But I don't agree because love isn't the same as marriage. In marriage, you shouldn't give up- because you made a promise. But if you're not married, and you're "in love" and it's going nowhere and you're hurting each other and it really sucks- save yourself and give up and move on. That's why that "deeply in love" thing The Mexican character was saying messed with me. Love shouldn't be a fight. If it is, you either need to change, or leave and find someone else (because you can't make your partner change).
    Although love doesn't always end up cute, and the movies and fairy tales seem to exaggerate, I'm still holding out for something precious and that doesn't trouble me too much. I know it's real. There are happy, cute couples all over the place. Vickie, I look forward to you falling in love and discovering this stuff. And even if your first time turns into pain, I think it's worth it to learn what it's all about. Love isn't a losing game as long as you learn from it, move along and find love that lasts :)

  3. Ashley,
    I did get your other comment. I liked them both a lot! thanks!

  4. haha, ok. sorry though. After I was all done with it I was like "well crap, i'm not even answering the question and secondly I'm sounding just like Julia Robert's character which you were basically saying was not what you wanted to hear." then, my second comment was just as long :) i crayzay.